reddit: I participated in the MAPS MDMA/PTSD study and it saved my life. Ask Me Anything

Summary: On March 25, 2015, a study participant from MAPS’ ongoing study of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD in Boulder, CO participated in a public Q&A on reddit. The interview generated over 200 comments from the public, and the participant provided more than 120 responses about how her experiences with MDMA-assisted psychotherapy changed her life and relationship with PTSD. "It wasn’t only the MDMA, I can’t stress that enough,” explains the study participant. "My therapists were incredible. They’re knowledgable, thoughtful, insightful people who helped me save my life."

Originally appearing here.

My PTSD kept me from grieving, which kept me from moving forward in my life, which made me want to die.

I participated in the Boulder MAPS study in 2014 and I am finally experiencing the life saving progress everyone told me was possible.

Please feel free to ask me anything about the trauma, the study, anything. I will try my very best to answer.

Here is a list of only some of the incredible benefits I’ve enjoyed:

– I’m no longer suicidal
– I no longer have violent, sometimes murderous thoughts
– I no longer feel “dead”. Sounds weird, but I was convinced I was a zombie somehow.
– I sleep well with much less frequent nightmare nights
– I no longer despise happy people
– I’m connecting with my family again
– I was engaging in reckless behavior in order to feel something, anything at all. I no longer have to do that. I’m able to enjoy normal things I’ve always enjoyed.
– I don’t have sudden rage outbursts anymore
– I no longer feel my death is necessarily going to happen very soon
– I want things for myself now
– I can see a possible future now
– My flashbacks are almost non existent and rarely throw me into a panic anymore
– My appetite is completely back
– I’m still a bit hyper
– vigilant but NOTHING like I was
– I’m no longer TERRIFIED to step out of my door
– I can hug people again
– I’m actually happy

Two very important things:

  1. I am only advocating the therapy I received. That means pure MDMA measured and administered by a doctor. Continually Assisted by very well educated and experienced therapist, including months of additional talk therapy. I know many of you are desperate, but I wouldn’t want anyone to think I am advocating any kind of use outside of what I stated. Above all, Be safe.

  2. My CAPS score, the score used to diagnose PTSD. My baseline score was 114. At end of study my score was 37. A score under 50 does not qualify for the PTSD study!

Yeah. I just learned that late last night.

I will answer all questions eventually. It’s taking a long time. These are in depth and emotionally wrenching answers. This is so cathartic. Thank you again for the conversation.

Thank you all so much for this great conversation! I have to go pick up my daughter now but I will continue answering questions when I get time. So please keep asking!

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